Friday, December 10, 2010

The Great Stink Bug Attack of December 2010

That's him.

See that guy?

I heard him last night as I was drifting off to the land where unicorns roam free, clouds are made of cotton candy, and fences are made of lollipops.

I was seconds away from arriving there in my car made of Wonka Bars when I heard what sounded like a small engine starting in my room...and then a "Clink!"

There was a stink bug.

Loose.

In my room.

With me.

While I was trying to sleep.

I had a vision of a stink bug crawling on me, up my nose, while I was sleeping. I snapped on my light and looked around. The stink bug was MIA.

I flipped my light off and prayed it wouldn't land on me while I was sleeping. Just as I got my pillow just right, I heard him again.

"THIS IS WAR!!" I hissed through clenched teeth to the invisible stink bug. I couldn't open my mouth to say it because he might fly in and that would damage me permanently if that happened.



I flipped the light back on, searched some more, and came up empty handed. I crawled into bed, fell asleep, and I didn't wake up with a stink bug on me. He could have been tap dancing on my head and I had no idea. I'd like to keep it that way.

This morning, I sat in my bed, listening, ready for him to make a move.

And then I heard him.

I tracked him to my ceiling fan. They're always mesmerized by the lights.

I grabbed my camera and grabbed a photos of him. I plan on posting printed photos in my room for Stinky Stank Bug's family. I'm going to draw a big red X over him and write, "YOU'RE NEXT."

What happened next still has me deeply shaken and slightly scarred.

He attacked me.

He VICIOUSLY attacked me.

He FLEW IN MY HAIR.

He FLEW in my HAIR.

He flew in an Arbutus girl's hair! You don't mess with an Arbutus girl's hair!

This was WAR!

I dropped my camera.

I screamed.

I shook my hair.

I felt him IN MY HAIR!!

I started screaming, "HE'S IN MY HAIR! GET HIM OUT! GET HIM OUT! GET HIM OUT OF MY HAIR!!"

I don't know who I was screaming it to because there was no one around, but it made me feel better.

I heard him fall to the ground. I grabbed a tissue, and I scooped that stinker up.

"NICE TRY, BUCKO! NICE TRY!! COME AT ME AGAIN, WHY DON'T YOU?? HUH?? OH! YOU CAN'T BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE!!"

We went on a little field trip to the bathroom where he was neutralized.



Stink bug: 0
Erin: 1

I promise I'm not a violent person. He crossed a line when he flew in my hair.

By the way, please ignore the dust on the ceiling fan lights (you especially, Mom). I kinda gotta dust that. There are so many other more important things to do...like organizing my sock drawer.


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