A Decision Was Made

I saw this at the grocery store today. Clearly, someone had to make a decision and the super bag of Sour Patch Kids won. Can't you just just hear the conversation in this person's head?

"Sour Patch Kids... they've got citrus in them. Citrus is fruit. I need more fruit in my life. Decision made."

"First they're sour...then they're sweet... brussels sprouts don't have a personality... Sour Patch Kids for the win!"

"Yesterday was Day 21 of the Daniel Fast... FREEDOM!!!"

"New Year's resolution...what 'New Year's Resolution'??"

I mean, really. The choice between organic brussels sprouts and Sour Patch Kids doesn't even seem fair. 

And to set the record straight: It was not I who made the above decision. 

The Spelling Vigilante

All I wanted to get was some zucchini. Just some lousy zucchini. But as soon as I entered the farmers' market, I was assaulted by a spelling error.

The vendor, the first vendor I see, proudly announced that they had "CHEDAR CHEESE" in stock. A spelling error is one thing. A spelling error in all caps is another. I politely refused when offered a free sample of said cheese. There is no way on earth that I'm eating cheese from a company that can't spell their product correctly. Details. It's about the details. (If spelling isn't your thing, the word "cheddar" has two d's, not one.)

I tried to shake it from my mind and continued on my way.

But I was assaulted again. AGAIN.

You see, I was waiting in line to pay for my zucchini when I spied several bins of potatoes. On each bin was a sign marking the variety: red potato, yukon gold potato, and white potato.

Except they spelled "potato" the Dan Quayle way...with an "e" at the end: potatoe.

The Spelling Vigilante emerged from within. I tried to keep her silent. I tried to tell her to keep her eyes focused on the zucchini, but she couldn't do it.

The Spelling Vigilante examined the sign, trying to appear nonchalant. It was written with a dry erase pen on a piece of plastic.

Good. Verrrrry good.

She stepped out of line, sauntered up to the potato display, and pretended to examine the delightful potato varieties.

The Spelling Vigilante looked to her right.

Then she quickly looked to her left.

The Spelling Vigilante reached over with her finger and quickly wiped the "e" off all three signs.

She surveyed her work, smiled to herself, and rejoined the line.

Mess With My Peanut Butter? Um...NO.

The work food thief has my dander up.

Gloves off.

He/She has done messed with my jar of peanut butter.

You just don't touch a girl's jar of peanut butter.

Especially an Arbutus girl's jar of peanut butter.

It was the Smuckers Natural Peanut Butter with Honey. That's good stuff. Expensive stuff. Stuff you can't get with a coupon.

LAY OFF MY PEANUT BUTTER!

Stealing Kisses

My mom's wedding ring that's going on 36 years old!

I'm eating my oatmeal when my dad stands in front of me, smiling like he's done something semi-naughty.

"I told your mother I have a boo-boo and she needs to kiss me on the lips, not on the boo-boo, because her healing life force powers will travel from her lips to mine and all the way to the boo-boo, and that will heal my boo-boo."

He notices he has another cut and goes to the adjoining room where my mom is.

I hear my mother in the other room ignoring him, "That's an old cut. You don't get a kiss for cuts with scabs on them."

"You're cheap!" Dad tells Mom, pretending his feelings are hurt.

Mom fires back, "They're my kisses!"

Dad wanders back to where I am, pretending to look defeated. He looks at his arms. The poor man is all beat up from helping my brother do construction work at his house. Dad's eyes light up when he discovers another cut about an inch long.

"Hmmm...this is a long cut. Your mother will need to give me a really long kiss or a couple of short ones to heal it."

And off he went to find her again.

By the way, in the picture above, that's the wedding ring Dad gave Mom just over 35 years ago. I took that picture about three years. Somehow, I get the feeling they still love each other as much as the day they said, "I do."