Chocolate Berry Zucchini Smoothie

Anyone else feel like they have zucchini coming out of their ears? Last year I was begging, dreaming, wishing, and hoping some kind soul would leave a few zucchini on my front porch for Sneak Some Zucchini On Your Neighbor's Porch night. Not a one showed up on my porch, by the way.

But this year?

Ohhhhh...this yearrrrr.

This year, we will be the ones to sneak zucchini on to my neighbors' porches.

My brother planted a garden at his house, so in addition to our garden, we overfloweth with zucchini and cucumbers.

No joke, my parents came home from my brother's house with this 5 gallon bucket filled with zucchini and cucumbers. A few of the zucchini could double as a baseball bat.

Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I asked for zucchini, and I got it.

We've already shared the wealth with friends and family, but we still have quite an abundance. We've made a zucchini cobbler, zucchini fudge cake, zucchini bread, and zucchini cake, but none of those options are super friendly to the waistline.

At this stage of the zucchini game, I want to eat it and not know that I'm eating it. Know what I mean?

Hence, zucchini in a smoothie.

I'm dead serious about putting zucchini in a smoothie. It's desperate times and I think this has become my favorite way to eat it. For reals, y'all. I mean, last year I made zucchini pancakes and zucchini brownies that were good, but this is just too easy. Zucchini has virtually no flavor, which is why it's so great in sweet things. Plus, by eating the zucchini in its raw form, you're getting the max amount of benefits from the zucchini. They are low in calories, high in Vitamin C, and a good source of folates, Vitamin A, manganese, and potassium,.

I used a normal sized zucchini here, but if you're trying to use up a zucchini the size of a baseball bat, you'll need to scrape the seeds out, for sure.

Chocolate Berry Zucchini Smoothie

1 cup roughly chopped zucchini
1 cup frozen mixed berries
2 Tbls cocoa powder
2 tsps agave
1 Tbls almond butter
3/4 cup almond milk

Combine all the ingredients in a blender until smooth. Drink it up!

The Spelling Vigilante

All I wanted to get was some zucchini. Just some lousy zucchini. But as soon as I entered the farmers' market, I was assaulted by a spelling error.

The vendor, the first vendor I see, proudly announced that they had "CHEDAR CHEESE" in stock. A spelling error is one thing. A spelling error in all caps is another. I politely refused when offered a free sample of said cheese. There is no way on earth that I'm eating cheese from a company that can't spell their product correctly. Details. It's about the details. (If spelling isn't your thing, the word "cheddar" has two d's, not one.)

I tried to shake it from my mind and continued on my way.

But I was assaulted again. AGAIN.

You see, I was waiting in line to pay for my zucchini when I spied several bins of potatoes. On each bin was a sign marking the variety: red potato, yukon gold potato, and white potato.

Except they spelled "potato" the Dan Quayle way...with an "e" at the end: potatoe.

The Spelling Vigilante emerged from within. I tried to keep her silent. I tried to tell her to keep her eyes focused on the zucchini, but she couldn't do it.

The Spelling Vigilante examined the sign, trying to appear nonchalant. It was written with a dry erase pen on a piece of plastic.

Good. Verrrrry good.

She stepped out of line, sauntered up to the potato display, and pretended to examine the delightful potato varieties.

The Spelling Vigilante looked to her right.

Then she quickly looked to her left.

The Spelling Vigilante reached over with her finger and quickly wiped the "e" off all three signs.

She surveyed her work, smiled to herself, and rejoined the line.

10 Beet Recipes For Inspiration

I don't know the first thing about beets.

I'll straight up admit it.

We never had them growing up, and the only time I've encountered them has been at good old Baltimore restaurants where they use the spiced kind used as a garnish on the side of the plate, tucked next to the fresh orange slice. Even then, I smelled them, but I didn't eat it.

I've been eyeing them at the farmer's market, so I decided to be adventurous and slip a bunch into my recycled bag. I was pleasantly surprised when I took a bite of my first raw beet. It was sweet with a starchy taste...almost like a sugary potato. And the color...the color is so fantastic! So rich, so red, so vibrant.

This morning I tricked my father into letting me make him breakfast. I fixed him two eggs over easy; three slices of uncured nitrate-free hickory smoked bacon; a slice of whole wheat bread; and side of beet greens (yes - you can eat the green tops!) sauteed in bacon drippings, onions, and garlic. I used this recipe as inspiration. You can't go wrong by cooking something in bacon drippings. Great googly moogly. They were GOOD.

So now I'm on the hunt for beet recipes. I've found some really delicious looking and creative ones, and I thought I'd share them with you. A few of the recipes break my rules right now (no red meat, gluten, grains, dairy, caffeine, sugar), but they may work for you or serve as a springboard for your own creative ideas.

If you are a beet eater, what's your favorite way to prepare/eat beets?

Red Velvet Beet Smoothie
(Gabby's Gluten Free)

Beet Hummus

(Simply Recipes)

French "Peasant" Beets
(Food52)

Chocolate Mousse Pie with a Secret Ingredient!
(Love Food Eat)

Beet and Goat Cheese Napoleons
(Fifteen Spatulas)

Beetroot Pesto

(The Whinery 2.0)

Heart Beet Rawvioli with Pesto Oil
(My New Roots)

10-Minute Beets with Chives, Shallots, and Garlic
(A Doctor's Kitchen)

Raw Beetroosh
(Green Kitchen Stories)

Grated Raw Beet Salad
(NY Times)

Last Leg Asparagus Salad

This was breakfast.

I don't know how it happened, but I some how ran out of fruit.

I mean, I know how it happened. I ate it. I watched myself eat it. And I even reminded myself that I needed to go to the store. But I think, deep down inside, I secretly hoped the Organic Fruit Fairy would magically visit over night and leave me a bounty of bananas, mangos, and strawberries on my counter.

Apparently the Organic Fruit Fairy doesn't exist. Or I've offended her. Or him. Organic fruit fairies can be boys too.

I started digging through what I had on hand and found some asparagus that was about two days away from being not awesome. Totally on its last leg. I paid $3 for that bunch, so I figured I'd better eat it up. Truthfully, I would have preferred to drizzle the asparagus spears with olive oil, sprinkle it with some kosher salt, and roast it at 400 degrees for 15 minutes or so. But I'm trying to do the raw food thing and not kill the nutrients by cooking it. But really...roasted...it's so delicious. Wrapped in some prosciutto and then roasted? Heavenly. And a little sprinkle of shaved parmesan cheese? Over the top. Ovvvver the top.

Back to reality. I also discovered some cauliflower as I was digging around. It was on its last leg as well. I'm really doing a good job of making my breakfast sound appealing, right? To be honest, I am proud of me because I chose to eat what was on hand instead of eating something not on the raw food plan. Waste not want not, isn't that the saying?

Some quick facts about asparagus (I'm not a genius - I just found this stuff on the web, which means it has to be true):

• Asparagus has 288 milligrams of potassium, 3 grams of fiber, up to 5 grams of protein, and only 40 calories per cup.
  
• Asparagus is high in folate, which helps reduce inflammation in the body and reduce the risk of heart disease.
  
• Asparagus is also ridiculously high in Vitamin K - almost 70% of the RDA is in one cup. Vitamin K keeps bones strong and helps in (healthy) blood clotting.
  

So this morning, I made what I call Last Leg Asparagus Salad, since most of the ingredients were on their last leg. Still pretty tasty. Don't skip zesting the lime. The zest really brightens the dish and makes it taste happy.

Last Leg Asparagus Salad

Salad
1 bunch asparagus, cut into 1 inch pieces (approximately 2 cups)
2 Tbls finely chopped red onion
1/2 cup chopped cauliflower
zest of lime


Dressing
1 Tbls olive oil
2 tsps lime juice
salt and pepper to taste


Directions
In a medium sized bowl, toss the salad ingredients together. In a small bowl, whisk together the dressing ingredients together. Pour dressing over salad, toss, and serve.

Serves two.

Per serving: 3 Weight Watchers Points+

Make Your Strawberries Last Longer

Last week, I picked up some gorgeous, plump strawberries from the farmer's market. I left them sitting on the counter and by the next day almost the entire container had shriveled and turned moldy.

Boo. That was $5 down the drain.

Then I remembered, all too late, a trick that I had read in a magazine (can't recall which one) that would keep the strawberries from getting icky. I picked up another basket of strawberries to test the trick and it worked.

Take your fresh strawberries and put them in a large bowl. Run some cold water over top of them.

For every 2 cups of water, stir in 1/4 cup vinegar. You can use distilled white vinegar or apple cider vinegar. The anti-bacterial and anti-fungal properties of the vinegar will kill all the mold spores and bacteria on the strawberries. I promise you will not taste the vinegar on the strawberries!

Swish the strawberries around in the vinegar/water solution and let them soak for 5 minutes or so. Drain, give the strawberries a little rinse, and then place them on a towel-lined cookie sheet to dry. Once the strawberries are dry, store them in an open container in the fridge. Mine have lasted a week and could possibly go longer, but I eat mine before the week is up. You could also cap the strawberries, leave them on the cookie sheet, pop in the freezer overnight, and then transfer the individually frozen strawberries to a freezer bag. Use the frozen strawberries in a fruit ice cream or smoothie.

Enjoy!

Death By Laundry OR Open Faced Tomato & Herbed Goat Cheese Sandwich

I'd like to state that laundry washed with detergent smells awesome. Laundry washed without detergent, doesn't. That's a little tip from yours truly. I learned that the hard way. You're very welcome.

This open faced tomato and herbed goat cheese sandwich was my reward after doing three loads of laundry today.

THREE, MASSIVE, GINORMOUS, SUPER DUPER, HUMONGOUS LOADS OF LAUNDRY.

I hate doing laundry.

Have I mentioned that?

Yeah, I think maybe I have.

My mother would tell me if I did it more often, I wouldn't have Mount Laundrious in my room.

She's probably right. Probably.

But then I'd have to find something else to whine about. It's not like it would take me long to find something else to whine about; I am female after all. (Ba-dum-dum! That was for the fellas and understanding women.) But, I really want this strained relationship to work. So I try. But the laundry bit back at me today.

As a matter of fact, my laundry nearly killed me.