Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Treatment #1 - Faith Over Fear

"Well, young lady, you have big time endometriosis, bigggg time."

I nodded, fully expecting to hear that I had endometriosis. But "big time"? What did that mean?

Before I could ask a question, my doctor continued. "The way we need to treat you is with a chemotherapy drug. Endometriosis is fed by estrogen. Your body produces too much estrogen, so we need to eliminate estrogen temporarily so we can kill the remaining cells. It will be a six month treatment that will put you in menopause. Your hair will not fall it. You will not grow a beard. You may get oily skin. And you may have hot flashes. If they get severe, we can give you something to help with the hot flashes."

I had a mini freak out in my head.

"Chemotherapy drug? Grow a beard? MENOPAUSE? Hot flashes? Excuse me??"

But instead, this very calm, self-assured person that resembled me said, "Okay. When do we begin?"

That day has come.

This morning I went in for my first of six treatments. A simple shot in my hip, once a month for the next six months.

I don't know what the coming months will bring. Not a clue. I've read all the pros and cons. I understand how it will help me. I understand how it could harm me. The last six months have already tested my limits. But I'm trusting in God because I understand that there is purpose in this. I'm not sure how He's going to use this experience, but there is something very freeing about being able to lay the things that are scaring the wits out of me at God's feet and say, "It's Yours." Right now, I'm laying my fear of experiencing hot flashes, crazy mood swings, gaining weight, fear of a depression flare up, fear of bone density loss, and all the other side effects at his feet. Including growing a beard. I can't forget that. It does me no good to hold on to those fears.

What's terrifying you right now? What do you need to lay at God's feet and say, "It's all Yours"? Health crisis? Job? Children? Singleness? Friend? Marriage?

My friend Jack has a saying that I love: faith and fear can't live in the same house. I don't know about you, but I'd rather throw my front door wide open to Faith and invite her in for a long stay and give Fear a swift kick out the back door. Faith is such good company and doesn't carry the dramaliciousness with her that Fear does.

I don't know what the future may bring, and I'm okay with that. In my experience God has never allowed me to walk down a difficult path without being right there with me, and He's never allowed it to be without purpose. I'm trusting in God's purpose and plan for me...not my own.


Erin

5 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, Erin! Having gone through "big time" endometriosis ( only those who have had it big time can spell it that easily!) I've not heard of that treatment. Mine, however was moons ago. In fact, I was told I wouldn't have children. My endometriosis was caused from holes in the lining of the uterus from the severe beating I took at the hands of my first husband. The happy part is, as you know, I did in fact have a child (biologically, the twins we adopted)who is now 21 (can you believe it!?) I'm sure this treatment is less evasive than the 6 surgeries I had to bring things down to a low roar. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, please know that I am praying about it. You'll be back on the prayer list at Calvary! love ya cutie!
    --Monica

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    1. Thank you so much for the prayers! I can't imagine the extent of what you went through. So glad to hear that you aren't currently experience problems with it. That gives me hope that I can be rid of it!

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  2. That's where I am right now with surgery. I know you've already been there, done that, but I'm trying to kick out Fear and be filled with Faith, but in my humanness, sometimes fear is easier to hold on to!! UGH! It's a daily battle! I'm so sorry you have to go thru this craziness! That has to totally suck. And here I have pity parties a bit that say "oh, woe is me. No dairy." It's laughable when I think about you and what you have gone thru with your cyst! You are an inspiration to me and I love you for all that you have helped me with!! Longwood Gardens beckons us.........

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    1. Oh trust me, I was out of my mind before the surgery. The last time I was under general anesthesia, I stopped breathing and wouldn't wake up. I was facing the possibility of it happening again. Fear was VERY real. But you know how it is...you can either stay stuck in fear or move forward in faith. It's a daily choice, like you said.

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  3. Erin! My friend, I'm praying very, very hard for your healing and your overall womanly health. Endo sucks in a very big, very profound way. I've been hit in the reproductive department myself with polycystic ovarian syndrome, which is also a heavy estrogen producer. There is a really, really good nutrition book called Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition by Marylin Shannon that I swear by. Lots of good tips for dealing with endo, menopause symptoms, etc. It's also very holistic and focuses on being well, not simply masking symptoms. Anyway, prayers for you and your doctors. Love you bunches.

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