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Saturday, November 27, 2010

Oh, Lord, It's So Hard To Be Humble

My dad used to sing this old song, "It's Hard To Be Humble," whenever we'd start to get obnoxious or prideful about something. Ever heard of it? If you don't know the song, you'll have to click here and watch it on You Tube. Go ahead. I'll wait for you. Finished? Good.

This song could have been my theme song this weekend. Let's just say, my Thanksgiving turkey was awesome. It looked awesome; it tasted awesome; it was an awesome culinary moment in my life.

I started with a Fresh Young Turkey from Maple Lawn Farms, a local farm that feeds their turkeys nothing but love. I picked mine up at MOM's Organic Market in Jessup on 175. I gave him a name: THE ONE

I brined that turkey in Williams Sonoma Apple & Spices Turkey Brine to make him moist and juicy. I rubbed olive oil, fresh cracked salt, pepper, and garlic into his skin.

I stuffed fresh apples into him so they would roast and add a delightful fragrance.

I even tossed in some onions and garlic that I lightly whacked. 

I put him in a 500 degree oven for 30 minutes to make his skin brown and crispy, and then I lowered the oven temperature to 325 degrees, covered him with foil, and slow roasted him to perfection.

I even decorated him with fresh sage, thyme, and parsley straight from my garden!

I turned out a culinary accomplishment. I made a Thanksgiving turkey and I didn't screw it up! It was a proud moment...and I was feeling the awesomeness of accomplishment. I rode the high of the awesomeness righhhhht up until I did this...

Ever burn a bag of popcorn in the microwave?

It's not...awesome.

The scent is somewhere between wretched and stank with a smidge of noxious in between.

This was one of those single serving bags. It says on the bag to set the timer for 3 minutes and then wait for the popping of the kernels to slow down until there's 1-3 seconds between the pops. To be on the safe side, I pushed the "popcorn" preset. Two minutes and 40 seconds. No prob.


I knew I was never going to live it down as soon as I saw the smoke trailing out of the microwave. When I opened the door, a plume of black smoke rolled out.

A PLUME of thick smoke.

It filled the entire kitchen.

I was throwing open windows trying to bring some clean air in.

As I was using a kitchen towel to furiously wave the smoke outside, I have to admit that part of me was proud. I mean, if I'm going to burn popcorn, I want to go all the way. As my kid brother would say, "Go big or go home!!"

I went big alright.

And I'm never going to live it down.

My father just told me the odor was lingering. I told him not to worry. It should be gone by his February.

Oh, Lorrrrrrrd, it's so hard to be humbllllllllle.


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